Coffee Prince was so cute.
Like I said, I really want to be like Eun-Chan. She's brave, sweet and straightforward without being a Mary Sue. I'm amazed at her actress actually, managing to portray a character in such a great way. Eun-Chan is so open to all the things that are good, and unashamed of herself.
Now I'll probably be unable to sleep in London because I miss the series rather than because I'm dying of curiousity.

You know, I really want to learn more languages. Korean, for an example. Japanese too. And chinese, although I'll probably skip out on that one, considering the difficulty.
Maybe I should take some language courses when I get some more money again? After I've saved up for a tablet, that is.

And I'm starting to honestly think of opening a pancake house. At first when I jokingly suggested it, and dad took me seriously, I just waved the idea away. But I honestly think it could be a lot of fun.
Also, the thought of designing uniforms for it, getting to design the interior and getting to cook for people... the idea is really attractive. It's not like I'm going to be doing it forever, but it would actually be a great start to something.
I mean, I could use it as gallery space, and sell paintings at the same time.
And when I want to change my life, I can still keep it as a side business.
If I find someone who enjoys brewing coffee too, who's willing to take the job, then that would be great. It's a pity Vinny isn't in town. He likes brewing coffee, although he's not a professional. He's always trying to convert me into a coffee drinker.
And then I could have a small side menu of other sweet things, like pie, cake and cupcakes.

Ah, I need to experiment with pancake fillings now.
White chocolate and raspberry?
Dark chocolate blueberry?
Plain whipped cream and sugar?

Ah, there are endless possiblities.


But I should not rush into it. Research has to be done before anything else.



Ugh, I'm procrastination packing my things and refilling my money on my cell so I can call people in case I get lost in London.

... I have a sneaking suspicion mum's stolen one of my shirts as well. (Not intentionally, but it's not in my room and it's not in the laundry room... so where else could it be?)


I have a lot of thoughts in my head today. What am I going to do when Louise moves? I'll miss her like hell.
And how will it go after that? Will things be awkward when she comes back.
That's on of my fear, because that's what happened with Anna. She changed so much I don't know who she is anymore. I guess it's just a matter of getting to know her again... but none of us really have the time.

I need to stop thinking now.
Overanalyzing won't do me any good.


Ah, I'm both so nervous and excited about London. It's my first time actually meeting a friend from another country on my own.
I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also hella nervous.


Bye for now. Will be back on monday... probably.

I feel stuck.
For once, I feel completely organized, I know what matters are the most pressing, and I am ready to take care of them. It's just that the world around me isn't.

I need to fix tickets to Uppcon and pay for a room. Also need to confirm with the people that arrange the booths in artist's alley that I do indeed want one. ... But to do all of this, I first need to talk to To-chan, because I obviously cannot go ahead and do everything on my own when there's a risk it might backfire at me spectacularly.

And then there's the fact that I feel like people are distancing themselves from me. There's this girl on the net that I used to talk a lot to, for one. Gone. Same thing with a bunch of other internt people that I had a good relationship with. Even if I trry to keep up with them, they disappear anyway, and it takes away the fun in being online.

But then I have the same problem myself. I forget to make myself a figure in some people's lives. People I hold dear.

Also, sometimes I think "why can't anyone love me?" Just plain old me?
Why can't anyone make the effort to keep in contact with me for a change?


And at the same time, mum's changed her medication to one that makes her prone to have outbursts of anger... and is nagging me a lot. She tries to help me with my problems, but it turns into nagging, and when I tell her to leave it alone... she gets offended.

And I'm so frustrated. I don't really hear anything from Vinny nowadays. Understandable, we're both busy.
But nonetheless, it's frustrating.
I'm seriously thinking of telling him I used to have a bad crush on him in my freshman year.
Not for him, but for me. Just a first step to be more honest about my feelings.
But then again, what good would it do? It could make things very awkward. Maybe I should save being honest about my feelings for a time I really love someone. But that's the problem!
I don't love anybody that way right now, and my dishonesty about my feelings is exactlly what always stopped me in the past - that and the fear of getting hurt.


...So, I could actually take contact with a couple of guys I know if I at least want to widen the possiblities. But I'm stuck again.
One of them is To-chan's uncle. (He's younger than me, so shut up!) But frankly, the word "uncle" does not appeal to me at all... Plus To-s mother, his sister... is kind of scary. But who knows?
Or I could drop a couple of messages on Vinny.

I need to stop rambling.
Though I suppose this is one of the last decent chances to clean my brain I'll have in a week or so.


AHHH.
Sleep.
NOW.

Squeezed in three hours of work while Lollo was here today. And then another hour after that.

Dad and I invented a new chicken soup - it was yummy. Really perfect for a autumn day like this.

And I watched some episodes of The First Shop of Coffe Prince. While doing so, I had to close the blinds, because I didn't want my neighbours to see me fangirling.
That. Series. Is. So. Cute.
And funny too! :)
...I really want to be brave like Go Eun Chan.
But I feel really sad for her other Ahjussi, the one who eventually falls in love with her as well. I find him much more likeable than the male lead. Pity things don't work out that way.
I'll have to watch the rest of the series before I go to London, or I'll drive myself crazy wondering how it ends.

It's been a great day.

Now that I have some time to think though... after all this fuss the last week, I came to the realization that I'm pretty good at lying to myself.
What I really want right now isn't to draw comics. It's not fun right now. Even though I know the outcome will be well worth it in the end. See, I love watching stories grow and mature. I really, really do - but I don't want to be a half-assed comic artist. I want to be inovative, good technically, and and still overflowing with emotions in my comics. But I don't have that skill yet. And the road to getting there is quite rocky.

And then, on the other hand, I want to become a proficient illustrator as well. And that's just the thing. CGing is fun, really much fun. So I get to have fun, and I get satisfaction. It tickles my imagination a lot more than doing comics does at the moment. But abandoing comics in favour of satisfaction and fun combined would mean I'd abandon my untold stories as well, and frankly, that would put a hole in my heart.

But maybe I can find a way? If I could make my comics more beautiful? ... For one, I should probably choose a less gritty story than the one I'm currently working on, and I'm not talking about the webcomic now. I mean, maybe I should start by drawing something that doesn't require me to draw massive amounts of modern city architecture? Do a fantasy story instead of one set in the modern time?
I could always do the Panda and Shun story, but then again... maybe not. Considering it's a sci-fi/fantasy/steampunk story that will still make me draw a lot of modern architecture... only with added "spiff".

Ah, I feel like London will give me a great opportunity to think things through and see them with a bit more clarity.
It will be great not having the plot of a comic hanging over my head for a couple of days.

I'll find a way, eventually. I always seem to do so. For now, I'll be patient and have faith in myself.

The shoes were not the issue today. I was barely even thinking of them.

But the planning was very, very bad.
See, we were told to arrive at 10.30 in the morning, and we did. But some people were late, and when everyone finally got there, we only had about half an hour until the show to change and get the make-up done. Which made the changing room complete chaos.

The show went great though - I told myself to calm down since I knew I could do great if I relaxed. And it went pretty well, I guess. I was not stiff as a board at the very least.

After that, we were supposed to have a second show... it was just that that one was hours later, at 16.45. So we stayed there...

And it got cancelled because of the lack of people in the audience - they all went home. Bad planning. I mean, hey, who couldn't tell? They're ninth-graders for fuck's sake. The want to skive off as much as they possibly can.
So.
Bad. Planning.

I could think of a thousand of better things I could do with that time.

But, at least I got some new acquaintances. One of them was this boy Louise used to have a crush on. The same boy she decided I was going to teach how to draw.

And there were these two sisters who just really talked a lot, but were very nice. The funniest thing was when one of the swedish idol contestants (who were doing a live at the event) went into the toilet, and the sisters lurked outside the door until he finished to ask if they could take a picture with him. (They asked me to take the picture. XD ) ... And it turned out it was the third time one of them got a photo with him that day.
What was not so funny was when he seemingly assumed I was a fan and waved at me as well with this "I'm-dealing-with-my-fans"-smile. Inside, I went all "Wut? Who are you? I don't know you."
He did seem nice enough though.




I feel dead right now. Porbably going to go to sleep pretty early today.

Cheers!

So... apparently I walk better in those sky-high heels after a seriously long day when I should barely be able to stand on my feet.

Let's take it from the beginning, shall we?

I woke up at the ungodly hour of 6 AM, having only had two hours of sleep. (Too pumped for the comic update to relax.)
Less than an hour later, To, Lollo and Disa came to pick me up.
During the one hour long car ride, the sky was pouring out its contents, and I mean the kind of rain that causes flooding if it continues for more than an hour. It was not a great time to be on the road. Luckily To is a capable driver though.
When we got to the place in question, we were faced with a long line... just to get in. Didn't take too long though, and eventually we were "frolicking around" inside the shopping mall. Except it was a full war zone with people everywhere. And I really mean that there were traffic jams every few steps you took.
Anyway, at 11.50, we left with a pretty decent haul. I mean... holy crap, I found a pair of jeans that only costed about four bucks, and for being in this country... damn that's awesome. And best of all - still within my budget. And another thing: Art supplies are dirt cheap there. Fufufu~ Oh yes, complete awesomesauce!
However! When we got to the car, it turned out To had lost her car keys, and we faced desperation for about an hour and just ran around like headless chickens looking for them. Luckily, some helpful people had found them and made sure they got back to us though. I don't think I've ever been so grateful to a complete stranger before.
There was some tension before we got the keys though when Disa kept asking To the same questions over and over again, not being able to take a hint. I honestly think To was getting really hurt and angry.
Strangely enough, I wasn't angry at all... at any of them. But that's a good thing, I guess. While I might not exactly have been keeping my cool (more like I was acting detached, but that's what a lack of sleep does to a person), I was the only one not panicking all over the place.

Anyway, after that little stunt, I went and exchanged my broken ear phones for some new ones. In truth, I wanted my money back, but for some stupid reason they won't give you cash back if you haven't paid in cash. Why the hell not? Money is money.

And then we were finally off to home again.
I pretty much collapsed as soon as I got inside the door. Did some "studying" (in other words picking manga apart and analyzing), just relaxed some...
And then I had to cook something to eat. Mum and dad was away on dinner with friends.
Yakisoba. Freaking awesome shit.
Mm.

And that's when I got to where I were a couple of minutes ago - practising how to work the catwalk. And holy hell, I was awesome.
I just hope I don't tense up tomorrow and ruin the thing.

... I did get some sketching time in today too, despite everything. Don't know how it happened, but that must mean that I really am improving my time management skills. XD


I'm so tired now. It's been a long day, and yet it was actually really short...

So, I finally managed te change my sleeping patterns a bit. Discovered that the trick lied in changing my meeting habits with people, and not eat during the night so I'll want to go to bed before I get hungry.

Tomorrow I'll have to be up horrifyingly early though. Since I'm going with two friends on a trip to a dirt cheap shopping mall a couple of miles away from here. The only problem is that tomorrow is payday, and the place is going to massively crowded. It's insanely popular amongst swedes. :(

And the day after tomorrow is the fashion show.

I really like Louise's collection, but I can't say I really like wearing it. XD
A bathing suit with a raincoat? The contradiction makes an awesome concept. But wearing it in front of people will be freakin' scary.
Ah well. That's life, I suppose; doing scary and embarassing things.


On a brighter note, I've actually managed to put in at least fourteen hours of work so far this week, despite eveything that's going on. And I now have two more complete backgrounds in my arsenal to use if a BG emergency comes up in the future.
Plus, I finally updated the comic. Sadly, twelve of those fourteen hours went to that comic page officially, since that's the sole purpose for making the backgrounds to begin with.

And then I also convinced myself to take a small break mentally today...
And baked some extremely yummy apple muffins with cinnamon and sunflower seeds. :3
Can't write any more now. Need to get some sleep.

Yeah, sorry about my outburst the other day. I'm going to have to get used to less pleasant comments as well someday.
Still, I can at least allow myself to react a bit right now.
At least I haven't gotten any bad comments on my art in years. :)

But that wasn't what I wanted to say.
HOMG! KUROSHITSUJI! SECOND SEASEON?!
OH YES PLEASE.


As long as Ciel and Sebastian are the main characters again.

... So, I've been watching one episode a day of this series for a while. (No time for more) Yesterday I finally finished.
I can only say that I really love the series, and the only character I don't like is Angela... for obvious reasons.
Sebastian is plain awesome. Although things get a bit disturbing when one of my friends irl happens to have the same name and is tall, dark and pale as well.
But, surprisingly, Ciel is actually my favourite character. I love how headstrong he is. And still, there are moments when I dislike him - like when he recklessly tries to go home from Paris without thinking about how vulnerable an english noble would be there on his own. And sometimes when he hesitates. But as strange as it sounds, my small moments of dislike for him actually makes me love him even more, because he seems more real because of it.

Okay, so maybe the BL fangirl inside of me has awakened again. Nothing really happens in the anime, but it sure is suggestive enough. :3
And I might have squealed "Kiss him, you fool!" once...

Anyway...!
SECOND SEASON BANZAI!


...Now, if only Skip Beat would get a second season as well... *mutters*

No, not in the cough-my-lungs-out-way, more like the...
Having-a-hard-time-keeping-the-barf-in-way.

So, I read this article about a gang in Peru who killed around sixty people... For human fat. Selling human fat to cosmetic companies in Europe. Which is illegal, for obvious reasons.
Ugh.
I feel sick.
Who needs horror movies when you can read the paper? They even described the room they found, with meathooks and plastic bottles with human fat in it...
It makes me sick to think that people can have so little respect for someone else's life.


...On another note...

Ugh. I made a list yesterday of what I needed to do today. Managed to cross off four out of six points, which is pretty good for me. It's just that my top priorities - sending Sanna the materials for the website and drawing the update page for tomorrow - were the ones I didn't manage... Ironically enough. The thing about the website, because I lost Sanna's e-mail adress, and the things with my comic...
Just... ugh. I get so frustrated sometimes.
I never mean to be rude, but sometimes I do get pissed off. Yes, I've noticed that I lose an average of one fan every week - but gain an average of three.

Now, don't get me wrong. Most of the time, the comic is worth the effort I put into it.
But sometimes... Yeah.

And comments like this don't help:

"... good that falc returns but we`re not gonna see it until next year or something! I love your serie but plz update more or else I think people will start to get pissed"

Honestly, I want to reply something really rude to this person. But it wouldn't exactly do me a lot of good.
So I'll just vent here instead.
...
HOLY FUCK, KID. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK GOES INTO A COMIC? EACH PAGE I DO TAKE AT LEAST FIVE HOURS, AND MUCH MORE WHEN I DRAW BGs.
EXCUSE ME IF I HAVE A LIFE (although that also still surprises me) OUTSIDE OF UPDATING AN ONLINE COMIC THAT I DON'T GET PAID FOR. SO SORRY.
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN DO MAGIC AND JUST PULL FINISHED PAGES OUT OF MY SLEEVE BY UTEERING A LIMERICK., AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO. I CAN'T POSSIBLY UPDATE MORE THAN ONE PAGE EVERY WEEK AT THE MOMENT.

AND BESIDES, WHAT RIGHT DO PEOPLE EVEN HAVE TO GET MAD AT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? LIKE I SAID, I HAVE A LIFE, AND I DON'T EVEN GET PAID FOR THE COMIC. ONE PAGE A WEEK IS PRETTY GOOD FOR AN ONLINE COMIC, EVEN THOUGH I, AS AN ONLY HALF-POPULAR AUTHOUR, PROBABLY WOULD GAIN A LOT FROM PUTTING MORE EFFORT INTO IT.
BUT HOLD YOUR HORSES, THAT'S GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I FEEL I ACTUALLY CAN DO IT!

*breathes out*
Yes, I'm over-reacting. Just blowing off some steam.
I wasn't in the greatest mood to begin with, admittedly.

When Zemotion on dA asked what we defined as "happiness", I realized I couldn't for my life think up any other answers than "an absence of problems" or "getting to sleep in late without having to think of all the things you ought to do or worrying about your sleeping patterns going to hell". And both of them aren't exactly answers. They only show what I feel right now.

Right now I'm so damn tired of everything.

Okay, so I went to Louise's again today. God, we're both so tired and don't have any money.

Since she's sewing that coat for me, she took my measurements. And that was kind of... weird. At least now I know them, which will make things a lot easier for me. And, well... Shockingly enough, my bust and hip sixes are nearly the same. Waist is a bit thicker than ideal, but pretty good. (Haha, in other words, if I were to wear a corset - which I never will, mind you, - I would have pretty much the ideal three sizes, according to fashion) I know I probably shouldn't ramble about this on the net, but... XD Actually, it gives me a small sense of pride. :)


Otherwise, there's been nothing much today. Except for the fact that my leg muscles still are a bit weak after not being in use for a while. The 14 km I biked today was partially hell because of the harsh winds.

Ah, for some reason, I have a sudden craving for potato gratin...

I wish I had more time for cooking.

God, I'm tired. Need to sleep. Now.

It's raining cats and dogs out there. :(
The whole day's been pretty gloomy, and I slept in late...

And then I did practically nothing of use except doing the laundry, replying to mails and sitting in front of the comp for two hours with a huge-ass illustration that take up all the available work space.
In other words, I felt pretty worthless and stressed out because of the lack of work I got done.
But then again, I need to remind myself that it's nothing strange with that and that I need days like this too to get by.
I mean, I am not a normal person when it comes to being stress sensitive. My stress levels go up way fast, and if I just suddenly increase my workload a lot it's going to come crashing back on me in the end. I need to be careful with changing my habits and ease into them slowly...


Ah, anyway, it seems we'll be meeting up with Maki as well in London. :) It will be nice seing her again, she's so cuuuuute!


I was bored by the way... so:

Cele lists her top seventeen manga/manwha/manhua at the moment (not necessarily in order):

1: Oresama Teacher

2: Girl in Heels

3: Otomen

4: One Piece

5: DOGS

6: The One

7: Gakuen Alice

8: Skip Beat

9: ½ Prince

10: Saver

11: 7 Seeds

12: Warau Kanoko-sama

13: Lovely Complex

14: Yakitate! Japan

15: Hourou Musuko

16: Dengeki Daisy
17: King of Thorns

I don't know how it happened, but things have been crazy.
I haven't been getting enough sleep, and I don't know if the stress I'm feeling is bad or good or both.

But anyway, To-chan and Lollo was over today, and I actually managed to get some of the work done. Two commission sketches (for the same job, the commissioner just has to pick one of them...), one finished lineart, on finished painting, one mostly finished comic page for the web comic (which I should have updated on sunday, by the way) and I've done some sketching.
All in all, that's pretty much. I wish I could combine work with being social more, I mean... That would solve at least one of my long list of problems in finding a somewhat balanced life.

Um... soo... Louise called me while I had To and Lollo over. Apparently she needs models... A.S.A.P... So she asked me. It seems like her teacher from upper secondary wants a couple of students to show off their collections. Or maybe it was just Louise? I don't know, didn't have very much time to talk. My day's been crammed with stuff to do.

Spending the sunday with To-chan was also really nice. :) We mainly just talked and watched some tv, but it was great.


Gaaah, I'm beat. Off to bed immediately.
*snore*

Menstrual cramps are the most horrible way possible to wake up.
It takes about an hour before I even understand that I'm in pain, and by then it's too late to do much about it. I haven't had such a bad cramp in years. And it took two hours for the painkillers to kick in, which completely messed up my sleeping pattern again. But I'll have to remedy that. I really have to gain some control over my life now.

I'm meeting up with To-chan tomorrow. :3

You know, it's extremely hard to keep up two different social lives at the same time, especially if you want to get work done at the same time.

Haven't written in a while. That's because of a number of things: I've been social, I've finally changed my sleeping pattern by about three hours, and I've found a somewhat working routine when it comes to balancing work and internet time: As long as the computer with internet isn't on, I won't be temptated into reading Yakitate Japan or some other ridiculously long series a second time.

And I made a small excursion down to the sea all by myself the day before yesterday. It took me a lot to get to that point. And since I actually think I move around for way too little nowadays, I spent some time reading manga and weight training at the same time - which works just fine as long as it's just the arms.

And then yesterday, I finally went to get my passport. It won't be ready for some time yet, but at least the process is started. Also, while I was on my way to the police station, I unexpectedly bumped into Elin, Sebastian and Elin's... cousin? ...I think? Anyway, we met in the middle of the road while crossing, and she just kind of threw herself at me right there and refused to let go for half a minute. XD In the middle of the street, with cars passing. Kind of funny, and it was nice seeing her again.


And then today, Jos and I had a Pretear marathon. :) She's so silly, and I missed her a lot.
And about Pretear... Duuuude. That anime has so many sexual innuendoes without (probably) meaning too, and it's impossible not to laugh at it all.
Talked a bit to another old friend too. Apparently she's studying to be a socionom. :)


Humhum. I should be doing comics right now... but I don't actually care at the moment. See, when Louise and I watched Nausicaä, my head suddenly got really crammed with cg ideas. So I'm currently doing a colour sketch of one of them. Which is the most fun I've had with art ina long, long while now. It's exhilarating!

Tiramisu ice cream. Yum.
Violet ice cream. YUM!


Was at Louise's yesterday, and finally handed over that sketch for the coat. I really missed her.
We spent hours just giggling and talking - and that's pretty new for us. XD
And then we watch Nausicaä again as well.
I missed the furballs Heidi and Vega as well. Apparently they missed me too. X3

...
I don't really have a lot else to say except I'm angsting over my lack of motivation lately.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm heading to the police station to get my passport... and maybe a new hat and a pair of gloves as well...
Gotta cook dinner tomorrow too. So I need to think up something I feel like...

Maybe potato and beef stew?

We'll see.


One thing I know is that I'm going to update tomorrow at least.
I've had pretty much no energy at all today, and I don't know why.

Night.

...
It's that guy's fault! The one from the party, whatever his name was. I've had weird dreams ever since then, and the latest one involved someone who kept chasing me around trying to see my bare legs even though I didn't want to show them.
It's probably because of that asshole who had a girldfriend and still asked me if I could kiss him on the cheek if he won one of those games we played that evening. (Which I flat out refused.)

Had another strange dream as well. I dreamed I was going to Jessica's birthday party with the guys. And then Jessica's mum met us in the door and demanded we got vaccinated against the swine flu before going inside. And I flat out refused again, since I'm deadly scared of needles. And I was thrown out!



And then today, there was yet another strange dream! I haven't dreamt so much in years.

So, I’m raking leaves in my garden. Then suddenly I think “I’m taking a break”, and when I turn around, there’s this huge-ass castle in front of me with blinking neon signs all over.

Curious, I get closer, but someone stops me.

“Miss, you really don’t want to go in there”, he tells me.

“Why not?”

“Miss, you really don’t want to know.”

But being me, I just ignore what he says and enters anyway.

There’s a fucking carnival of Rio in there. Skimpily clad women with feather plumes and samba music playing as far as the eye can see.

“Oh God, this is too much for me”, I mutter and promptly turn back to where I came from.

…Only to realize that the door isn’t there anymore.

“No choice but to look for another exit then…” I sigh.

So I head to the next floor, and get another shock. This floor is full of leather-trannies, and I barely have time to even think the thought that I preferred the carnival downstairs before one of them grabs my arm, throws me a wink and says:

“You must be the new girl! We’ve been waiting!”

… and then proceeds to drag me up yet another flight of stairs and throws me in a small room where someone changes my clothes to a super-awesome dress before propelling me to another room where I get some make-up put on.

A few photos are snapped before I even have time to dizzily process everything.

I smile through the photo session, and when I’m finally left alone, I start muttering to myself again and try to find another exit.

The closest thing I find is a glass wall. I quickly smash it to pieces and then take a great leap into the freedom. I run as fast as I can from the creepy castle.

A few streets away, I notice they’ve actually sent a search team after me.

JOY.

And let's not go any further into that story.
I get the feeling my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something. :/


On another note... it seems I might be getting sick again. (But obviously it's not the swine flu at least. I'f be much worse off if it was.)
So I made some tea. Oddly enough, it seems to help this time around.
But BLEH, it's still disgusting.
On the other hand, I did discover that comfort curry with panic pasta is great food when you have a cold.
And that I'm getting a load of vitamins every day now as I practically eat a smaller fruit sallad and two carrots every time. Hopefully that will amount to something.

Actually, today...
I did practically NOTHING.
And it stresses me and gives me panic.

I suppose I really should try to do just ONE thing at a time.
So, tomorrow I'll do a comic page for the web manga. And that's all unless I get a sudden urge.

Night.

Part of me is finding it offensive that people with no talent get bazillions of fans and recognition. But then I start to think, why should I find that offensive? They’re just good at promoting themselves. And if people like what they do, let them. It's not like I'm going to go on a personal crusade against them

Still it irks me that someone who clearly has problems with their drawing techniques and aren’t even giving off passably much emotions from their pictures can get so much recognition.

So I tend to stay away from them in general.

Sure, there must be something special about them, considering the followers they have. And maybe it’s something I’m the only one who can’t understand. It might be their personality for all I know.

But I do get pissed off when I see someone bragging about their art when they haven’t got the skills to back it up. And I do get pissed off when people start faving just about everything without thinking it through.

*shrugs helplessly* This is my problem though. I don’t want to join the popularity war on dA and start pointing fingers. Which is why I’m venting here instead. It’s my opinion, and I’m entitled to keep it to myself if I want to. (Haha… how come people have been getting on my case for my apparent LACK of an opinion lately? I don’t lack them, I just prefer to keep some of them to myself since I don’t want to start a small scale war.)


...And that was my thoughts from earliertoday. I have those moments when I get annoyed by things like that.

On the bright side, although I bombed the deadline I set for myself about the comic... I have start practising with the G-pen again, and it feels so much better than struggling with fineliners... although the risky elements are much bigger like this.
But... well, I get more done now. I still procrastinate drawing comics though.
But these illustrations are calling me and I can't seem to ignore them.

Speaking of things I can't ignore... There's this other comic idea in my head that won't leave me alone. One that I really like. About yet another social outcast, of course... I'm thinking of drawing a couple of pages and see where they get me.

But then again, that would be just another guilty pleasure to add to my list.



At least I'm finally pulling myself together and finishing up some detailwork I used to think was insane...


To-chan and Lollo are coming over at thursday, by the way. Our own personal little study/work group. :)
I'm kind of worried about Lollo though, yesterday she said she wasn't feeling so peachy...


You know, for some reason I'm still hyper over the Halloween party. I guess I still haven't gotten over the fact that I have a social life.


And before I go, I'll just organize a little list of the things I need to do in the nearest time:

Find a new hat that I can use.
Buy a pair of warm gloves.
Sell half of my wardrobe and eventually get a pair of boots for the money.
Get a passport.
Get To-chan to cut my hair.
Finish my CV.
Mail the finished images for the website to Sanna.
Get the sketch of my coat to Louise.
Buy fabrics for said coat.

... And that's pretty much it. I think.

Night.

Just going to say this. Fredrik is an awesome dancer. Makes me wish I put more effort into learning it and making me ashamed for even trying at the same time. XD
It's unfair that a guy knows how to move his body that well! XD
But then again, he's gay... so it's okay. XD
Um, yup. I'm just going to try harder. XD
But then again, I've been told I'm ridiculous when it comes to being good at things.
Drawing, music, cooking and so on... It still feels extremely weird that my friends are bragging about me. @__@;;;
And I've discovered that telling people I'm an artist really gets a conversation going. I have no clue why.
Well, thinking about it, it seems like my entire friend circle have high ambitions: Doctor, architect, fashion designer, economist... and so on.


Aside from that, once again... I'm royally screwed. For two reasons really:

First of all, the usual sunday problem: Updating.

And secondly: WHY DID I EVEN TRY TO IMPROVE THAT CHOCOLATE MICROWAVE CAKE? TT_TT When I added peanut butter and a pinch more sugar, it did turn into the most dangerous chocolate cake in the world after all. I understand why now. I'm only ten minutes away from chocolate at all times!

Save me.

I'm still too tired to even think straight.
Yesterday I had a hard time going to sleep after partying as hard as I party.
(Luckily enough, everyone had to embarrass themselves with silly ass-dancing during special times. Because that's the only way I know how to dance. ;___; )

I need to get up earlier tomorrow - dad and I are going on a small biking excursion to admire the autumn nature.
Night.

Party, party!

... Oh gosh, I'm just not a socially competent person. But, surprisingly, it was fun! I met some new people, met some old ones and forged a stronger friendship with them. XD *cough*
And I got a wifey.
No, not really. XD That was just To-chan ditching Anna after a rather... daring display of affection, which her cousins complained about.

And... Dun dun dun! I wore make-up. I'm shocked it turned out alright, considering I did my eyes in five minutes.... and I'm not used to make-up.

But here's the shocker: I was flirted with. By two different guys... probably. But one of them was kind of assholish, since he had his girlfriend with him at the party. There were four guys at the party, not counting Fredrik and Dennis (Fre's gay and Dennis has a girlfriend).


... I need to remind myself to get Ronja to go on a photography trip with me. :) And call To-chan. And get together with Susanna to prepare for the exhibition. Oh, and get kicked in the ass by Lollo so I actually get some work done. And send Sanna some working material for the website.

OTL


On another note... again... Photos of me are probably going to be all over Facebook by tomorrow. D':
Again, I don't like Facebook.

And. Um. Sanna seems to think I'm dating Vinny. *snort*


Well, that's all I have to write, really. I'm too tired to think straight.

Okay, so my brother came home for a couple of hours yesterday.
Which was great - I missed him.
What was not so great was the fact that he started arguing with me. Over a hat.
A fucking hat!
The one day he's at home (he probably won't be coming back until christmas) he spends his time bugging me about a HAT.
The hat in question was my mother's to begin with. He'd only borrowed it for a year.
So, he spent his time repeating the argument "I saw it first" like three year old.
Yes well, I've had that hat too. It's in fact the only one I like in the entire house at the moment that actually keeps my ears warm and only itches reasonably much. I told him this, and that it's mum's hat to begin with... so she should be the one to decide its fate.
No, but honestly.
It's mum's hat. Yes, you've brought it down to your town before - it still doesn't change the fact that it's mum's hat.
So, he spent a good fifteen minutes talking me out of keeping it at home... where mum happens to be.
You need a hat? Buy one!

Of course, we're both being equally childish here. But I don't appreciate having a flaming row over something so simple when we don't see each other so much.
Clearly, we are family. We're both as stubborn. But the thing is... He delivers his arguments with a narrowminded conviction that he's always the one who's right. Which was the only reason I gave up in the end. It's just not  worth fighting over a hat.
But I was still mad at him, since he's not the only one who likes that hat and is short on money. At least he still gets monetary help while studying! I don't.
Also, he claims that he needs it so he can get to the buss - yes, the buss! - in the morning. It's, what? 2 km at the most. I tend to bike 7 km in the middle of the freezing night because that's the distance Louise happens to live at.
So, yes, I was put out.
And he had the gall to tell me to stop glaring at him! Has he already forgotten the near fifteen years of his life he's been living with me? If I'm not allowed to sulk until I feel better again, I start building grudges whether I want to or not.

Okay, YES, I am childish. But at least I acknowledge that I am! It doesn't help when it feels like he's looking down on me either. He's extremely good at being conceding. Sometimes he can't see past his own nose. And for the love of god! This person is trying to become a psychologist?!

Sorry, sorry. I'm being unfair. But why the hell am I apologizing when he's never going to read this anyway? The good thing about writing here: I can be as brutally honest as I want to, no one will get hurt and I get my therapy.
...
I need to vent. He's my brother and I love him very much, but damn he has the power to rile me up like no one else.
Which actually speaks for itself - he's one of the very few people I actually allow myself to get mad at.



...

...
But well... on the bright side...
VINNY IS BEING HYSTERICALLY CUTE. So... I might have given him a drawing as a present, and he ... obviously appreciated it. XD

And... and... I'm going to meet up with Pandarosi in London! (Probably...) *excited*

Oh, and people are generally loving on the internet lately. :3

*happy*

Now all I need is a passport, a new hat and a pair of headphones - then I shall not require anything more.

Night! :)

P.S. Seriously, I'm not getting over the hat. Why does my brother need it? He is already an asshat.

Today didn't exaclty start out great. In fact, it did start with a flaming head ache. But at least my stomach didn't hurt.
So I'll be turning in early today and see if it makes a difference.

...You know how I said "no more sweets for a while" yesterday...? Well.... I suppose you guessed it already. I ate another, but improved microwave chocolate cake again. Mostly because I didn't have much else to eat for a midnight snack. But it's grocery shopping day tomorrow, so... :)
Good news about it though: The taste improved with a bit of peanut butter and some additional fibres. Will lessen the amount of oil next time though, as the bottom of the cake got kind of soggy and unappetizing.


Sooo... today may not have been a very productive day, but it felt pretty damn good just resting and doing nothing but catching up on my favourite comics. I have too many things nagging in the back of my head already, so if I don't take a mental break every now and then I'm probably going to go mad.

Turns out Axis Powers Hetalia is a great way of passing the time. I think it's a bit overrated, but good nontheless.
And, well... SuFin is just cute. Which feels a bit weird to say, as a swede.
Otherwise, Russia is my favourite by far. So evil he broke the chair of death! XD

Hmm, the fans say Hetalia can bring about world peace if enough people read it.
With the way people get brainwashed by it I'm starting to think it's true. XDDD;;;


But at least I've done some small productive stuff: Started inking the designs for the website. And sketched a friend's (late) birthday giftart.

Mmyep, that's about it for today... probably.